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A Romantically Unpopular Opinion On...

Why weddings are overrated. Confessions from a formerly reluctant bride and testimonials from other women who would like redo their I Do's.

There is no better feeling than falling in love. It is a sensation that, if you're lucky, stays with you for years and is only strengthened by the trials and tribulations of life. It grows by struggle, and inspires its participants to be better than they ever imagined themselves to be. It is not damped by hardships or sorrow, because that type of pain carves out the deepest of wells for love to live. It is filled and overflows when the love you have is true.

“ When love beckons to you, follow him. Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him.” - Khalil Gibran from The Prophet

Naturally, capturing that emotion, and wanting to display it for friends and family manifests itself in celebration. Pictures must be captured. Drink must be drank. And gifts must be given. Obviously spending thousands of dollars to show Aunt Denise that you are happy is required when you fall in love! Clearly, that's the only way to prove your love! So spending money you don't have, driving friends up the wall, and losing your grip on reality satisfying cultural norms that feel unnatural is just a casualty of what being in love is all about. Right?


The 5 Essential Non-Essentials of Wedding Planning

1) Invites and other paper products that people throw away

Can we take a moment to discuss paper products? Invites, programs, itineraries; all very fun to design and create, but also very much a waste of resources and time. Here's a tip, Instead of spending HUNDREDS, and trust me it can cost hundreds, of dollars on those same paper products that only hold sentimental value to you, Buy a few for your Wedding Scrapbook or keepsake shadowbox! Even in an Elopement, its important to have some other reminders of the day to go alongside your photos, but nobody except the two of you are holding on to those invites and reflecting on them as fondly as you.

2) Events that don't live up to your already high expectations (Bridal shower, Engagement Party, Rehearsal Dinner, ect )

There is no rule book that says you MUST have any of the aforementioned supplemental activities, but once you open a wedding planner and see fun ideas, you will want to have them all! But if you opt to do so, do it with caution. You are the only person who is invested in the success of such events, and its not fair to put pressure on grown ass adults who have their own obligations in life to fulfill your unrealistic whim of a last hoorah. and if you want someone to take your ideas seriously by putting in the time, energy and effort, than babygirl you better look at paying a professional. Just add that ticket on your already overgrowing list of costly endeavors that will not add to your marriage. You had plenty of fun late night adventures with your girls in your 20's. You've had enough brunch and bullshit conversation with mid-afternoon drunk tears to last you a lifetime, I'm sure. And I promise you, nobody wants to hear about the dress you plan on wearing or seeing your engagement ring again (you already posted a pic of it on your Social Media account...twice). We friends support or recently engaged friends by partaking in such event, but we honestly think they are a waste of time. When you look back on it, you will too. #SorryNotSorry

3) Inflated prices for services that you probably wont even remember or don't get an opportunity to enjoy (Food that you will not eat, and guest probably wont like)

We spent a lot of time planning a budget friendly menu that we could enjoy, and that we thought our friends and family would also like. The food had to represent us, our social point of view, and it had to be delicious. Queue the anxiety! Is there enough food? Is it too spicy? What if we run out early? I remember sitting in bed fantasizing about hoping in a limo with my hubby, and a few peeps from our wedding party, and heading to Bobby's Burgers on Las Vegas blvd. That was my idea of a perfect reception meal. Instead, I ate two pieces of Shrimp before being ushered in to the reception space to watch all the yummy food we paid for dry up on tiny plates. And we never got to take pieces of my husbands yummy Grooms cake home! I'm still SUPER salty about that, if you can't tell!

Weddings mean you have to plan for your extended friends and family. You have just married your hearts desire, so now its time to think about the needs of others. The problem with that is the inflation you pay by calling your big party a "Wedding". Let me make something very clear: NOBODY EXPECTS YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! And if there is someone who does, screw it! Tell them to throw themselves their own dream wedding. It is not your responsibility to cater to the demands of others . I would have preferred a burger and a crazy amount of leftover cake in a hotel suite, and I think you would too!

"I always say weddings are for the families and not the couple."- Stephani P.

4) Stress and anxiety that make the build up to the day scary and sad (okay, maybe only if you have a severe anxiety disorder, but even if you don't already have one, you will by the time the wedding arrives)

Nobody warned me that I would be plagued with anxiety. Nobody told me I would be racked with doubts. Nobody explained the normalcy of those feelings, and to not give in to my subconscious anxiety. I will tell you that you are okay! You will get through the fear, and there is nothing wrong with you. If you suffer from anxiety, or any mental health condition, it is important to visit your doctor regularly and prioritize yourself over the demands and needs of others.

5) The blur of the pricey events, and the realization of what mattered most being free (bitch, I coulda felt this way in a sexy jumpsuit with 5 of my closet homies on a mutha-cluckin rooftop someplace for 90% less than what I just paid for all the pomp and circumstance!) And you would probably have slept better the night before too!

Maybe that's a thought reserved for us older broads, but the reality is that weddings are an exercise in excess. They are displays of wealth that should not be imitated by folks who should go into the institution with more caution based on their socio-economic status. Spending money wisely is the first true test of a married couple, and though we spent money wisely, we spent more than was required. The best part of the day was kissing my husband and being pronounced as man and wife. Its such a wild sensation to be introduced as one. A moment everyone in love with someone else should feel should they chose to make that type of commitment. The exhale of relief that passed through us both collectively as we jumped the broom is a priceless feeling that no amount of money could have ever bought (especially since we do so without falling on our faces) But we could have had that same experience no matter what we were wearing, where we were standing, or who else was standing with us. It is the promise of commitment that makes a marriage, and that is a blessing that is given for free.

The Best Day of My Life!

I loved my wedding day because I felt positive energy emanating from the guests in the chapel. Some were visibly happier than others, and that's okay too. I loved my wedding day because my dude looked so damn sexy! He was confident and strong and in love with me! I felt special and could not wait to just be home with him being his wifey for lifey. All the rest of the day felt like an interruption to our day. The obligation to thank people for coming could have saved us two hours of newly-wedded life if there weren't dozens of people to thank. So much of the wedding day felt less like a celebration of us, and more like a show. Sure that's selfish, and who says two people in love can't be selfish on a day designed for them!? The money spent on the wedding should have gone towards a small get together and a dope honeymoon, and a better way of capturing the magic of the day. If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to tell over-zealous family members that their need to visit Las Vegas was not reason enough for us to give them dinner and a show on that vacation.

We live in a new age post Covid-19, so there are some things about celebrating our wedding that I am truly grateful for. Even simply being able to have a wedding without concern for social distancing or face-masks feels like a blessing. However, there are so many special ways to make your special day more fulfilling without a large-scale wedding. I am now, and will always be #TeamElope...


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